Quiet Saturday 6-28-14

this is my very 1st blog post. woo hoo. I know not so very exciting. So I sit here alone like most day's, I usually fill my day's by either cleaning,baking, sitting outside , watching netflix, or on Pinterest designing the home I don't think i'll ever have!. yeaaaa I have an exciting life don't I? oh well we can't ALL have jam packed schedules and such. most  of the time I quite enjoy my slow paced life. I at least have time to enjoy the company of my kid's and spouse.  it was really hot here today 87 with a real feel of 91. now it's storming because of the heat & humidity. my youngest is off to a water park with his cousin but they might be on their way back because of this weather. so my biggest thing right now is wanting to move at this point I almost don't care where just as long as it's not here. I  really really don't like  where I live  and it's funny because the first time I lived here and moved I said to myself I will NEVER live there again & guess what! here I am!!  that's the story of my life every time I say something like that I end up right where I don't want to be  this is how my luck run's. I have learned to live with it among all the other bad luck that seem's to be a part of me. I have also learned as i've gotten older to roll with things as they happen and I have LOT's of patients these day's. so I pretty much just go with the flow and live in the day and try not to live in the future too much anymore, I wasn't like this always I used to constantly try to plan out what we were going to do a week,a month and a year from now I lived in the future making plans that never happened once that date arrived. I stayed in a constant state of aggravation & stress and worry. it has effected me in a bad way and well I guess that's the price I pay for it. so now I focus on  this day because really that's all we have control over is the right now and we really don't even have control over that. so as for the move the plan is to move back to my home state. BUT (isn't there always a but)  I have a little problem called can't leave the house :) I know I know good luck with moving to a different state if you can't leave your home. I am aware VERY aware TOO much aware of my own situation thank you! I only get told on almost a daily basis I wish you could and you should get out. why don't you  go with them it'll be fun  now sit back for a minute and picture yourself being told all of that every time you  are in the presence of someone.... annoying isn't it? yep thats what I hear all the time. as if I don't know I should get out and have fun and live and be normal DUHHHH. I have to have a sense of humor about this  because like I said before it all has effected me in a negative way I have problems with my stomach from the constant worry,stress and aggravation. it has taken a toll on my health. and I used to be sad alot and ask why me, all of the wonderful negativity and self pity that comes with  these things. I still have bad day's of course. I am a woman I am hormonal so when they are bad they are real bad. I get through it though because I have a  partner that  helps with all that. I swear if it weren't for him id be a nut case by now. he is amazing at keeping me sane and letting m know it's  OK. and I have him to help me  through it all  that i am not alone. and believe it or not  something  amazing came of this not so good situation we are closer now than we have ever been. I am so greatfull for him. I do try to let him know it  often. everyone likes knowing they are appreciated. without him and my Kids i honestly wouldn't have anything. they are my world!. well I really don't think this blog of mine is going to be about anything specific. I have  too many scattered thoughts to have a blog about one THING. which is why I gave it the title I did, my mind is  VERY random with thoughts and veer way off track alot lol i'll go from thinking about dinner to what kind of house i'd like to have my thought's are everywhere all the time!.  I can focus tho when I have too. i'm not a complete scatter brain!. ok so I guess that's it for today. until  next time.